• New Euro Language

    by  • 29 September, 2003 • Uncategorized • 5 Comments

    Sorry about my absence. ‘t is amazing how time flies when you’re having fun, but without any writing inspiration. Anyway, I thought I’ll amuse you with this gem below entretemps:

    The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
    As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and have accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro English (Euro for short).
    In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”.
    Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
    There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased by “f”. This will make words such as fotograf” 20% shorter.
    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
    Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.
    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “w” by “v”.
    During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “O” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou, and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas…

    auf wiedersehen

    5 Responses to New Euro Language

    1. 19 October, 2003 at 0:09

      And now in Dutch…
      Hllao Ctneezrres, hllao tfsunihort,
      Bikajarlbr hfeet ‘n wcthsepepnakjliee sditue utwgezein dat de vlrodgoe van de lrtetes in een wrood neit het mtnsie banelg hfeet voor het croecrt lzeen van een tkset zalos je zlef ovidnrdent.
      Luke tlajate neit?
      Klcihatnia and sewet damres…

    2. 19 October, 2003 at 0:14

      And now in Dutch…
      Hllao Ctneezrres, hllao tfsunihort,
      Bikajarlbr hfeet ‘n wcthsepepnakjliee sditue utwgezein dat de vlrodgoe van de lrtetes in een wrood neit het mtnsie banelg hfeet voor het croecrt lzeen van een tkset zalos je zlef ovidnrdent.
      Luke tlajate neit?
      Klcihatnia and sewet damres…

    3. luc
      20 October, 2003 at 10:24

      Maar of dat ook voor het Ndnalredes gdlet? Ttsnimnee, de sidute hfeet zcih aeelln op het Elegns ghciret, en de pitisoe van de etsree en ltstaae lteetr meot ogizjiwegnd bevjiln….

    4. Tom
      28 October, 2003 at 16:12

      Vell, ve in Amerika vil be most hapy, particularly z new giviner of de Kaliforeignia Anschluss.

      Anybody found an EU passport with my name on it? Please forward.

      Tom

    5. Zeker
      3 November, 2003 at 19:06

      Ve vil acept zis languag viz joy!

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