Today I smoked a sigarette. I don’t know why. I had this craving, totally out of the blue, since this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary happened to justify this. I’m a bit excited that Paul, Pauline, Joëlle and Bram are coming next weekend, but that’s hardly a reason to smoke. All four of them are strongly against smoking. I also “found” this lighter in my pocket. I swear I don’t know where it came from. Or how it got there. It somehow managed to get into my pocket, sometime, I have no idea how long it had been there. It was there, very obnoxiously. It kept reminding me that once, long time ago, I used to smoke. I know this sounds silly, but somehow it did that. Anyway, I was not going to give in that easily. I remained strong during the whole morning, while this lighter was burning in my pocket. I fought the temptation after lunch, with success. At four o’clock I snapped. I went around the office to see what everybody was smoking. Too light. Much too light. If I was going to smoke, I wanted it to hurt my lungs. I needed to feel it. Nikos smokes Assos, those are strong enough. I couldn’t find Nikos, he was out. Anna saw me walking around like a caged bull, from desk to desk. She knew where Nikos kept his stash of sigarettes. She gave me one, after quite of bit of persuasing from my part.
It felt so good. Now I’m over it.